sofa

Finally ordered the sofa for the living room... It took me so long because the original piece from Baker is unbelievably expensive. I discovered that I could have it custom made for much, much less. I have to admit, it's a leap of faith to have a sofa made from scratch. So, it'll be only 6-8 weeks before the perfect couch is here. I made a couple changes to the design. It's being upholstered in Beacon Hill's Plush Mohair fabric (color: Shale), which is similar in color to the original Baker photo. Here's a picture of the Baker original.
I can't wait to show you the finished sofa!

more for the living room

Between those two striped chairs, this Vanguard table
and behind the sofa (that I will be ordering soon), on the table two of these Roost lamps
locally, JD Madison carries both Roost + Vanguard

ordered our coffee table today...

On our way home from breakfast at my mom's, we stopped by EWF Modern (a local place) & they had several pieces from the line environment furniture. The online pictures don't do their pieces justice... Even though I will have to wait many months to receive my order, nothing else will do! They have the same kind of wood top on a dining table on their floor... It's stunning! I just ordered (and it will take like four months to get here)...
(yes, we usually visit Hubby's mom on Mother's Day too. This year, his parents are out of town for several weeks visiting places I've always wanted to travel to. They're going to Greece, Germany, Italy and Spain amongst many other interesting places. Maybe someday....)

grief

I haven't been nearly as mired in the muck of grief lately. No, I'm not taking any medications! If you know me, I hardly ever take Tylenol for a headache, let alone prescription anything -- unless it's absolutely necessary - like antibiotics. And even then, it has to be really really bad.

"Keeping busy" was really hard at first (and I still felt the underlying grief). Then the sun started to shine here more (literally). Then, some changes started taking place at our house -- making it more 'ours'. And, during my "keeping busy" phase - I said over and over to myself "You either get busy living or get busy dying". (a great line uttered in the old movie Shawshank Redemption. plus, I think Owen would want me to live.) Don't get me wrong, the sadness is seemingly always there, just under the surface -- but my outlook has felt sunnier, so to speak. Maybe it's the fact that I've now lost a total of 14 pounds (with about 20 more to go). Or maybe it's that I finally felt brave enough to order, frame and hang pictures of Owen. Or maybe it's that I'm feeling brave enough to start work on the headstone design.

Or maybe it's that dream. I have really wanted to have dreams about Owen (for a very long time), but none seem to come. Then the other night I had a dream. I woke up thinking it was Owen, but now I'm not so sure. In the dream I was pregnant and in the hospital to have a baby. I remember being told by the nurse that I should have come in much sooner. Almost as soon as I arrived (and was shown to the room) - it was time to push & the baby was here. This was different from my first (and last dream) of Owen. That dream was while I was near the end of my pregnancy with him. There was much more to that dream - but I'll try to keep it simple. In that dream, he didn't move, had darker hair (this latest dream the baby's hair was much lighter and with a hint of red to it.), and his eyes were closed (with bright vivid blue eyes 'pasted' over them). By pasted over, I mean it was like they were cut out of a book and pasted over another picture in the book, like a stocker's note in the movies. In this current dream the baby's eyes were more of that greyish - murky blue that a newborn's eyes usually are (no pasting). In fact this baby's body and eyes were moving in the usual way that a baby would. In the dream, as I held this baby, I cried and cried -- because of how beautiful s/he was.