Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Quiet Time - It's for adults too!

So, I've been spending some time each day meditating. No, not the yoga-lotus-position-OOOMMMM sort of thing you might imagine. Just spending a little time each day in quiet reflection. I do this, because with everything that's happend in the last 7 months - I am anxious (I know, patience is a virtue - but I am soooo impatient) to find the gifts that lay in the days ahead. I refuse to dishonor Owen by focusing on the negative parts. Not that those negative things don't randomly enter my mind. I just want to remember the joy and hope in his purpose.

Anyway, this morning towards the end of my quiet time - a random, yet strong thought entered: Forgive your father. The burden is too heavy to carry. He will never move on with his life, if you don't. Hasn't he carried this long enough?

Then, as I readied to go out for the day - another deliberate thought entered: Write him a note and give him a picture of BigBro and Owen. So, cautiously trusting this 'inner voice' - I did it! I wrote a short note about how he no longer needed to carry the burden and that I loved and forgave him. I didn't provide any contact information and simply signed it with my first name.

Although it's been 16+ years since I've seen or talked to the man, he still lives in the same house (I looked on to see if it's sold in the last 16 years and it hasn't!). Then, as part of our errands this morning, I went to Rite-Aid and had a couple pictures printed.

I left the note and pictures in a plastic bag at his door. It felt so good to give such a wonderful gift.

Then, it was off to the hospital where I delivered Owen. The Legacy Hospital at Salmon Creek (in Vancouver, Washington). I brought them a special gift to give to other families that have lost a baby.

What a strange, yet beautiful day.

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